(1/7) Impostor Series: Messages from Childhood
April 3, 2023
According to Dr. Valerie Young's book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, there are seven “good reasons” to feel like an impostor. Over the next several weeks, I'll share each of these “good reasons.” I invite you to see how many of these resonate with you.
1) Messages from Childhood
When you are a child, you interpret all interactions through the lens of safety and belonging. The responses of parents, teachers, and important adults--and the meaning you made of those responses--impact your interactions today.
Impostor Syndrome can be born out of a wide variety of experiences:
If there was an expectation to always be perfect.
If no one paid attention to your successes.
If modesty was valued more than accomplishments.
If everything you did was considered amazing.
If you were labeled “the smart one” in the family (or not).
Each of these experiences can lead to a child thinking that they only have value if they are perfect, but not too perfect. Or they are only good enough if someone notices them or praises them constantly.
If you think about your early schooling experience and the way the important adults in your life responded to it, what was it like?
When you were little, how were mistakes viewed?
What happened when you did well in school?
What happened if you didn't do well?
What would the people in your family say or do?
You don't need to experience Trauma (with a big T) to feel like an impostor. Understanding and forgiving your parents for doing the best they knew how is imperative to healing. Inviting gentle curiosity to your early experiences is a significant first step.
Journal about your experiences within your family of origin.
Consider seeing a therapist or helping professional to help look at these early messages.
Be aware of your default settings around mistakes, success, and failure.
Experiment with being kinder to yourself, even if it feels unfamiliar. See what happens.
The key is awareness and curiosity. Get curious about your early experiences, and then keep those awarenesses in front of you so you can make more intentional choices in the future.