Your Own Worst Enemy
“You are letting everyone down.”
“What is wrong with you?”
“You’re going to get fired.”
Last week I wrote about what to do if your company doesn’t support you when life has gotten too life-y. But what if that’s not the case?
What if you are your own worst enemy?
It’s easy to believe berating yourself is motivating. Fear can motivate in the short-term, right? It’s probably worked for you before.
The truth is, when the self-talk is toxic, you become both the victim and the abuser. It always comes with a cost. Negative self-talk will steal your resilience, energy, confidence, perspective and joy.
You won’t lean in, ask for a promotion or volunteer for visible projects if doing so instigates the cycle of self-abuse. And if you are able to grit it out, chances are you will experience interrupted sleep, ruminating thoughts and exhaustion.
This is why interrupting the cycle of negative self-talk is the first homework assignment most of my clients practice.
So, how do you break free from your inner critic? Here’s a few ways:
Show some self-compassion. It’s time to talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Humans are mammals and we thrive off nurturing, empathy & compassion. Give yourself the grace you desperately want to receive from others.
Don’t judge yourself on your worst day. If you are having a really hard day, now is not the time to pick up the glinty hammer of self-flagellation. If needed, promise to judge yourself and the situation tomorrow. Today is the day to lick wounds, reach out and recover.
Get help. If you could find your way through this by yourself, you would have already done so. Often the inner critic seems like the only voice in your head. Talking to a trusted source helps you tame the inner critic and hear your own wisdom.
When you turn down the voice of your inner critic and turn up the volume of your inner wisdom, work gets easier. You can roll with the ups and downs without your self-worth constantly being on the line. You have more energy at the end of the day for yourself and the people you love. You shine brightly without negative side effects.
Take the "risk" of self-compassion today and see what happens. Open up to the possibility that you can do your best work ever while feeling ease, spaciousness and presence.
It’s waiting for you.