The Problem with “Should”

Do you should yourself? 

Do you should yourself all the time? 

Have you should-ed all over yourself, winding up embarrassed and disoriented?

Yeah, me too. 

Should-ing yourself is when your internal narrative sounds like this:

“I should read more.”

“I should exercise more.”

“I should get up earlier.”

“I should eat better.”

“I should meditate.”

“I should put my phone away more.”

You get the point. 

 Should-ing yourself seems innocuous. It seems like a powerful motivation tool to get you going or an excellent way to keep you focused on your goals. 

 But “should-ing yourself” sounds a lot like “sh***ing yourself” for a reason: they both put you straight into shame. 

“Should” tends to stop you in your tracks because shame is a big, invisible barrier that blocks action. 

Should-ing yourself hyper-focuses on how you are failing.  It doesn't see the goal, only the impossible chasm of ineptitude that keeps you from attaining it. Should-ing yourself reminds you of your impotency, not your power. 

It is not a tool. It is a weapon. 

Baby Steps…

If 'should' puts you into shame, doing puts you into confidence. 

 Often we think we need to put a massive amount of energy toward some grand gesture of change. When we do this, we open the door for a perfect should-storm. 

Any habits expert will tell you that if you want to achieve your goals, you must set up small, achievable wins. James Clear, author of the incredible book Atomic Habits, says, “Improving by 1% isn't particularly notable; sometimes it isn't even noticeable, but it can be far more meaningful – especially in the long run." 

At first, it may not seem like anything is happening, but if you stick with easy, small changes, you will see a powerful shift over time. 

How Shift Happens…

Get focused on an area in your life you want to change. Choose just one.

• Find the smallest change that moves you 1% toward that goal. It should be effortless so that you can do it consistently over time.

• Once you've mastered that change, level up. Add another tiny change that can be sustained.

As Clear says, “A slight change in your daily habits can guide your life to a different destination."