Catastrophizing & Minimizing
I am a recovering catstrophizer. When anything went awry from how I thought they “should be,” extreme pessimism set in. Growing up, one of our family mottos was, “Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.” I was exceptional at preparing for the worst.
Catastrophizing
Being prepared is different from catastrophizing.
Preparation looks like packing a swimsuit, sunscreen, and sandals on a summer trip to Hawaii. Catastrophizing is when you hyper-focus on your worry of being cold, so you also pack warm socks, long pants, and a heavy coat (just in case). It weighs you down and brings along a baggage fee.
Catastrophizing skews your perspective and way of thinking. You no longer see things for how they are but only as you fear they will be. As you focus on the fear, it increases, making the terrible possibility seem like the only “reasonable” outcome.
When the terrible outcome never arrives, you feel relief rather than joy. It's hard to celebrate and savor the good times after suffering weeks of unending anxiety.
Minimizing
Yet minimizing pain and suffering is also problematic.
Brushing troubles aside as “first-world problems” or trying to ignore, distract, and numb away unpleasant emotions disconnects you from your pain and your humanity.
When minimizing, I often say, “I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm FINE.” After many “fine” moments, I realize that FINE means:
F- Fundamentally
I- Imminent
N- Nuclear
E- Explosion
Minimizing puts my pain in a pressure cooker, stuffing it down until I explode or hiss my resentful steam in the direction of my dog, kids, or husband.
Mindfulness
Self-compassion reminds us that we don't need to exaggerate nor minimize whatever pain we're in. Mindfulness is the radical acceptance of what is here right now, at this moment.
Without mindfulness, you will constantly look at your life through a Fun House mirror, exaggerating some features while minimizing others. Mindfulness means looking at a clear mirror, without distortions: not amplifying the pain, not shrinking it down, instead, standing your sacred ground with what is.
This week, notice if you are catastrophizing or minimizing. Which one do you tend toward? How can you hold a clearer mirror to yourself and be with all that is present?