Vulnerability Hangovers
Vulnerability hangovers are real.
If you've ever put yourself out there in a new-to-you way, professionally or personally, you may have experienced one of these hangovers.
You hate public speaking, but you lead everyone through a presentation.
You confided in a friend, revealing something you usually don't.
You set a new boundary with someone.
Brene Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” How do you navigate that uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure after you've gone through it?
Do you deprecate & get down on yourself?
Do you bluster and blame others?
Do you try to numb it with screens, sweets, & Shiraz?
That's the vulnerability hangover.
Last week I practiced my TEDx talk, and it was messy. It didn't seem messy to the folks who watched it, but it was messy to me. Fear had me on the run as soon as I announced my rehearsal date. I procrastinated, delayed, and numbed. I was Distraction Jackson up until the time of the talk.
My talk is like a half-baked cake. From what people tell me, it looks and tastes delicious, but the toothpick needs to come out cleaner, for my preference. It needs more time to bake, which is OK because I have time, even though my inner critic begs to differ.
Yet I'm aware of another part of me that sees how scared I was. There's a part of me that sees the enormity of the ideas I'm trying to wrangle. It knows that I'm riding the dragon and hanging onto it isn't neat, tidy, and perfect.
I hold these competing experiences in tender hands, knowing I'm doing the best I can at this moment. No need for more should-ing, only the need for more awareness and greater care of my fear and my vision.
I've spent the last three weeks talking about self-compassion. I truly believe the biggest improvement you can make in your life is to become aware of how you speak to yourself, especially during times of struggle, when your cake is goopy in the middle and you're in the middle of a vulnerability hangover.
Being kinder to yourself builds compassion, strengthens resiliency, and improves mental health. This Valentine's Day, give yourself the gift of not being an asshole to yourself.
You're doing the best you can. So am I. We all are.