Nostalgia Pressure

A few months ago, I ominously told a friend, “I'm doing good, but summer is coming, so I'm getting anxious.” He laughed and said, “You say that like it's Game of Thrones. Summer is coming!” He has no kids, and I soberly told him, “That's exactly how I meant it.”

 Yes, the school-to-summertime transition can be rocky as we all readjust our dance with each other. There will be new summer camp routines and stay-at-home routines. There will be snacks. Oh, so many snacks. The spoons will go missing, yet every single cup we own will be on the counter. 

 So yes, there's that. But, there's this other thing that happens with summer. 

I call it nostalgia pressure. 

Nostalgia pressure is the pressure to make memories. And not just any memories, but magical, meaningful summers of delight and joy for my kids so they can have nostalgia for their childhood when they reach adulthood.

(trigger warning for those prone to mom guilt)

One look at social media, and I'm sure I will find a meme reminding me that I won't know the last vacation I will take with my kids. Or, there are only 5 more summers until my daughter graduates high school. 

(ok, trigger warning over)

 Some folks may use that perspective as motivation, loving the challenge. If so, good on you. 

I know my tendency to unnecessarily guilt trip myself, so I keep that point of view like I would keep a pet tiger. 

In a cage. 

Far from the house. 

With its own personal zookeeper. 

And yet, I do want to make happy memories of summer. Not for some random Hallmark feeling for a faraway future scenario I'm imagining, but because I want to be in the magic of summer NOW. 

So, let's talk summer. 

Forgo the Hallmark ideal of summer. If you hate crowds, don't like the heat, and your family gets agitated when they have to wait, Disneyland may not be the trip to take. Do what you and your family like, and leave the perfect behind.

Savor the magic when you're in the magic. It's easy to get caught up in thinking of the next thing that needs to get done. But the “getting things done” treadmill never stops. You have to be the one to step off of it. When you have an opportunity to savor the moment, step off the treadmill and savor it.

Trust the messiness. You can't control how your child will experience things on the inside. As parents, we don't know what they are internalizing along the way, and that's not always bad. Spending more time with them in the present moment will always be better than spending energy trying to fearfully manage a future we can't see or know. Trust in your kids, yourself, and your collective ability to figure it out day by day. 

My summer blessing to you (and to me): 

May your summer transition be smooth; may you savor and bask in these unscripted times; and may your children return all the spoons.