Take the Boundaries Quiz
I spent YEARS trying to understand what boundaries were.
Are they rules that you set for other people to follow?
Are they limits I arbitrarily set for myself?
Do I have boundaries already and not know it?
Ugh…
Research has shown that people with healthy boundaries are happier, less stressed, and more generous than people with loose or non-existent boundaries.
But what in the heck are they, and how do you know if it's a problem for you?
Let's start with checking on your boundaries. Read through the bulleted points below. Tally up how many of them speak to you. We’ll discuss more at the end.
I feel like I’m always at the mercy of everyone else’s needs (personally and professionally).
I am so exhausted at the end of the day that it’s hard to enjoy my alone time or family.
My calendar runs my life. I have little control over it.
I volunteer for things because no one else will. I’m capable of doing it. It’s no big deal, but sometimes I feel resentful.
I really hate confrontation. I can do it, but I don’t like it.
I feel like I’m on call 24/7.
People sometimes take advantage of me. I’m aware of it, but I don’t mind too much.
Other people’s needs and/or work get in the way of things that are important to me.
I’d love to take a break or a real vacation, but I’ve got too much to do.
It’s easier to go along to get along rather than push back.
Everyone seems to pull me in when they are in need or crisis.
People often tell me that I need better boundaries.
My life often feels out of control.
Take a moment and see how many of these statements ring true for you.
5 or less: You're doing great! You're mostly setting boundaries and protecting your peace.
6-8: You may have some boundaries in action, but life is on the edge of feeling out of control. This may be due to the nature of your job or because there are missed opportunities to set healthy boundaries. It may be time for a tune-up and re-evaluation.
9 or more: Boundaries may feel like another amorphous thing to do someday. The problem is that “someday” never comes, and you can be stuck in the same pattern years and/or decades later. When is it your turn to take care of yourself? Why not now?
Boundaries are not magical rules or ultimatums. Boundaries are about aligning your life to reflect your values.
Finding a boundary begins with figuring out where your needs, wants, and values are out of alignment. Where is the tail wagging the dog? Where is your life out of control?
Get curious about what is actually bothering you in a given situation. Often, it's easy to throw it all in one bucket, so get curious about the specifics.
For example, “I hate my job" may actually be “I hate the way my manager speaks to me,” or “I hate feeling like I'm always behind. It stresses me out and takes up so much time I'm not present in the evenings," or “I hate the personalities of my teammate."
Life is better, your work is more efficient, and you can be more helpful to the people who matter most with boundaries.